Posted by: abbauer10 | April 18, 2013

Baby on the way

My wife and I recently starting informing people that we are expecting a child. While it’s been fun to let people know, one by one, the good news and see their reactions, my own personal reaction was slightly different.

In fact, my response was two words:

“Oh, (bleep).”

I’m starting to think Christina will probably never forget that moment for the rest of her life. I make her so proud 🙂

But I’m good now. Honestly, I am. The news that yes, our lives are going to become much, much, much, much different in the not-too-distant future was a bit of a shock for me and I needed a good day to process it. I spent the entire day cleaning the house while Christina went to Salina to meet our parents.

I felt a bit like a crazy person. I remember thinking to myself, “The house isn’t clean. Holy crap, the house isn’t clean. How can I possibly have a kid if the house isn’t clean?!?!”

Now, I know full well that having a clean house is not a hard and fast prerequisite to having offspring. In fact, I know most parents would tell me that their own houses are generally not clean BECAUSE they have children. I think what was really going on was I was taking stock of my life at that moment. My biggest worry was that I’m not at the right place in my life to take care of a child. I think I had a bit of a preconception that my life must be completely, 100% in order before I bring in a new generation.

But as I vacuumed the last room in the house, I began to make a list of bullet points in my head:

  • I am married
  • My wife loves me (although I probably lost some husband points from my initial reaction)
  • I have a good job
  • Spiritually, I’m right where I want to be and we attend church regularly
  • We live in a house that we own
  • Christina is finishing her masters degree
  • Both sets of (future) grandparents are amazingly supportive

Slowly but surely, I calmed down. Christina came home and we spent the evening coming up with baby names.

It’s tough taking stock of your life when you feel the stakes are high. I think I freaked out because I knew I needed to take a good look at myself and I was afraid I might decide I wasn’t ready for this. While I’m definitely not ready (is anyone really ready?) I at least feel more comfortable with where we’re at right now and where we’ll be in 7 months.

Maturity? Check.

Now back to sneaking “Spartacus” onto the list of baby names…


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